Fighting My Inner Demon

Liyana Yamin / October 26, 2017, 08:10:19 am

Little did I know,

I was suffocating inside,

Feeling nauseous,

A severe headache,

Unbalanced body movement.

 

I was unable to decipher the current needs,

All I felt was – numb and empty,

I wanted to scream out loud,

Fighting my inner demon.

 

Little did I know,

I was paralysing myself,

Brushing off my self-esteem,

Thinking that I was not worth living.

 

I wanted to be acknowledged,

That’s what I thought,

I desired a healthy feeling,

Fighting my inner demon.

 

Little did I know,

I was hurting myself,

Seeking the unnecessary,

Fooling everyone with a smile.

 

Hiding the truth,

Has always been part of me,

Need I say more?

Fighting my inner demon.

 

Little did I know,

I was crumbling to the ground,

Wishing that everyone could hear my cry,

Saying I’m okay has always been a white lie.

 

Falling to the ground,

Hoping to rise again,

A burning desire to change,

Fighting my inner demon.

 

Just so you know, October is the mental health awareness month. I felt obliged to spread this awareness with our fellow readers. A poem that I wrote which illustrates someone with anxiety or depression may face.

 

Did you know that – four out of ten Malaysian actually face mental health illness? And the most prevalent locality was in Kuala Lumpur at 39.2%. Based on the National Health Morbidity Survey 2015, females, younger adults, other Bumiputras, and adults from low-income families, seems to be at risk of mental health problems. Psychologists are seeing this as a serious issue that may rise in near future. The thing about mental health issue is the stigma surrounding the community. This has made the person unable to voice out their sorrow worrying what people may judge them.  Though, it is more than that. Only those that suffer, knows the heavy reality and war their fighting within themselves. Mental health problem is real. Stop the stigma. Be mindful to your surroundings. Lend a hand to them instead.

 

To those that are suffering, seek out for help. You are not alone! There are always sources you can confide your problems to. Or if there is no one that wants to help you, BeFrienders for example, is always there to listen to your emotional distress at 603-79568145 or you may visit their website at http://www.befrienders.org.my/. All calls will be kept confidential. No worries.

 

Apart from that, there are several steps I believe you may take, to slowly dismiss the emotional wave inside you:

Know that you need help. Seek help from professionals.

Take time to care for yourself.

Do things you love.

Practice the breathing meditation.

Exercise – Run, swim, cycle or whatever you may do to sweat yourself out. Release the endorphins.

If you love reading like me – find a self-help book. Rekindle your interest.

Find a support group.

Meet other people and don’t get distracted with social media.

 

These are only a few steps but you may find more valuable approach to help you from professionals or your support group. I’m not a psychologist neither a psychiatrist. I am merely sharing as a concerned individual in a community based on my observations and readings.

 

Thus, fret not. Heads up.

Take one step at a time. I know that: You. Can!

 

Last but not least, hold steadfast to your faith. Remember that, Allah never test someone beyond their burden. Realising this dunya is temporary and we as Muslims will always be tested will comfort us in many ways. There is always a wisdom behind every trial. Whether we realise it or not, it is up to us to overcome the challenge. In Surat Al-Baqarah, He says:

 

“And certainly, we shall test you with something of fear, hunger, and loss of wealth, lives and fruits…” (Qur’an, 2:155)

 

Also, in Surat Al-Baqarah:

 

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” (Qur’an, 2:286).

 

After all,

 

“Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us…” (9:51).

 

I know it is not easy. It will take time. But it will be worthwhile. Fight your inner demon!