#AbahsDiary: The Women in My Life

Ameen Misran / June 3, 2017, 01:06:41 am

In my life, there are three most important women: my mother, my sister and the newest member of our family, my wife. Their existence has made me appreciate life even more.

“Mama” – Mother – Salbiah Seliman

“For as long as, I remember
You were there for me
A young woman, growing older
But always mum to me
My heaven lies under your feet
Now I look at you and there’s a few more, wrinkles and lines
But I still see the same beautiful smile
And it hurts to know someday the light will fade from your eyes
Cos you’re the woman I love
You’re the mother I love, my mother
You’re the woman I love”
– “The Woman I Love” Zain Bhikha

There was once a time when I woke up early in the morning. Before Fajar. My house at that point of time when I was 10 years old was a two-storey house. All our bedrooms were on the second floor, the ground floor is the living room, kitchen and visitor’s room.

I got out of bed and came down to the kitchen on the ground floor to quench my thirst. To my surprise, my mother was there awake and eating sahur. She wanted to fast that day so she got up early to eat.
I sat there with my mother. She was having Ikan Bilis Goreng – not the little anchovies but the big Ikan Bilis as big as your palm. That was the first time I knew exist big breeds of Ikan Bilis.
We were having a delightful discussion. She asked me about school and etc. We both were happy. But then suddenly out of the blue my mother said “I feel like running away from home”.

I was stunned, bedazzled at the moment. I kept quite trying to grasp the meaning. I didn’t ask my mother why she said that. I was like “We were talking about school, now you want to run away from home?”

The question still is unanswered up until now. Why did she say that? What she actually meant? My guess was that maybe I was a naughty boy making her life miserable prompting her to be a runaway. I don’t know.

My mother has been my first teacher. She taught me life is difficult. One time I asked my mother “Mama, how did you train us (siblings) to not be picky of food?”
My mother answered “I purposely did not cook the food too delicious.”

During high school in Ma’had Attarbiyah Al-Islamiyah (MATRI), my mother only gave me RM10 a month to buy expenses like toiletries and stationaries. Since I was Form 1 until for Form 5, that RM10 is never enough. I was too shy to ask for money so I had no choice but to make use of what I have.
Everyone knows that a wedding preparation costs more than Ten Thousand Ringgit Malaysia. For my marriage, six years before, my mother said, to prepare me “For your marriage, mama will not give even one cent”.

That was after my sister’s wedding in 2009. I got married in 2015.

“Kakak” – Sister – Fatimah Binti Misran

“We have been through, a lot together,
You stood there on for me,
I was lost once, finding my way home,
You grabbed hold tight my hand,
I don’t know if you weren’t there for me
Now I see you afar as you strive this life, alone and hurt,
But I can see you smile all the way,
And I believe you will be strong enough to stand and to withstand
Cos you’re the woman I love
You’re the woman I love, my sister
You’re the woman I love”
– “The Woman I Love” Zain Bhikha

My big brother once said a beautiful quote “Siblings: Can’t live with them but can’t live without them.” And with my big sister, we’ve been through many fights.

My sister’s personality is the total opposite of my mother. My mother has a strong personality, a strong woman, a leader type, a ‘no pain no gain’ style of woman. Whereas my sister, has a calming vibe coming from her. Her smile is the brightest smile.

I learned the hardness of life from my mother but I learned to appreciate little things from my sister. Our family is not the family celebrates birthdays. I don’t remember my sibling’s birthday dates but my sister remembers them all.

My mother is the rock hitting me hard. My sister is the silk calming me. Both my mother and sister gave me two perspectives in life.

Whenever I am upset with my mother, my sister will rationalize why my mother did what she did.
Up until now, I am really appreciative of quotes and simple gifts because of my sister. Each time my birthday comes; she will present me birthday gifts as simple as a book or a note book or a diary. She will write down with her beautiful handwriting, beautiful life quotes in the gifts she gave.

My Wife – Rabiahtul Binti Zulkafli

“It seemed my heart beat, a little faster
The day I held your hand
We were young then, learning together
To love and understand,
You helped me to be who I am
Now after all these years, I look at you, my beautiful bride
My whole life is right there in your eyes
And Allah allows me every day to wake up with your smile
‘cos you’re the woman I love
You’re the woman I love, my wife
You’re the woman I love”
– “The Woman I Love” Zain Bhikha

What I’ve been through with my mother and sister has taught me that women are complicated creations. And men have to think deeply what actually is going on. I got to be the man who understands my woman.

If the women get upset, we got to recheck what overlooked little things we – men – did?
I understand more on how complicated women can be after becoming a husband. Even though I’ve only been married for 20 days, nearly a month, my wife and I have gone through several ‘disagreements.’ We are still in the adjustment period.

In these 20 days, we have faught over grammar, over where to eat, over how I peel orange and ate the orange in one gulp.

My greatest fear is that when my mother said to me “To know how you will treat your wife, see how you’ve treated the women in your life.”

With my mother and sister, I receive gems from them but with my wife, I have to give the gems to her as a husband is the one who provides.

I pray that I am a fulfilling son, a supporting brother and a loving husband