Marriage is still new for me. Four months isn’t much of a story to share.
My friends and family particularly my mom has given me ample advice that marriage will be tested in a successive five-year period. The first five years will be the happiest, the second five-year period begins to be a bit harder, the third period will get by unnoticed and the fourth stage and beyond shall be the hardest.
The first five years, as what I’ve been explained, is a happy five years. Loyalty is never in question, everything is okay, everything is happy, money is still not much of a burden as the spending is still minimal, like the saying says “Kentut pun bau wangi” (Even farts smell good).
The second five-year period is where it begins to brew difficulty. Money is beginning to be a nuisance and barely manageable. If both of the couple work, then it’ll ease the financial burden but if only either one works than patience will be severely tested. Loyalty begins to be tested.
The third five-year stage is a bit stable, carrier wise is already matured. Financially is stable. If before both work, the wife will most probably stop working to focus taking care of the children. The children are beginning to require intense attention and care.
When the marriage is at 20 years old and beyond, love and loyalty will be a test. It will be shaky particularly for the husband. The wife has aged, her beauty is not the same as how the day of their marriage was. They barely talk as both is busy with work or kids. The husbands resort to finding a “new leaf.”
My mom gave two important advices before marriage. She said “The sustainability of your marriage depends on how ready you are before marriage.” The second one is “If you get married solely because of love, your marriage will only last for one year.”
I’ve tried many preparations upon my marriage but I failed in grasping one particular skill that is cooking. Having brought up in a family of mostly boys, I’m used to help around the house; washing the dishes, do the laundry, peal the onions but failed to excel in cooking. But that’s never too late even after I’m married.
One important feature of sustaining a life-long marriage is for the husband to learn how to cook my mom told.
I can still remember my mother’s philosophy echoing in my eardrums “Orang lelaki takpa balik rumah letih kerja boleh baca surat khabar duduk ruang tamu tengok TV. Orang perempuan balik rumah letih kerja kena bersilat di dapur”. (Men have the luxury, despite lethargy after work, to sit at the living room reading newspaper watching TV. Women even though exhausted after work have to wrestle at the kitchen).
The myth of “Husbands work, wives cook” is somewhat irrelevant in today’s life provided that wives too have to work to earn monetary capacity for the family as the husband’s earnings are insufficient. Actually, my mom told me that, “All the chores of a household (including working) is the job of the husband and the wife is only there as a helper.”
The criterion of “Able to cook” & “Able to perform household duties” should be carved in every husband today.
“Cooking” is only a start, a symbol, an opportunity. An opportunity to suppress the ego of husbands as creatures of dominance and superiority.
I’m not a good cook (see my Telur Dadar is imperfect). But I try to be one. This post is not to show off saying I’m a good husband no. This post is to share what my mom said to me years back.
We are not living in an age where women stay at home with the children. Husbands have to help despite their working nature.
I want to “raikan” my wife with my cooking. Thank you for everything.
Husbands, let us suppress our ego, we don’t want that. Learn how to cook.